Mariana (a fictional name) is fourteen years old and dreams of changing her eye color. She wishes her dark, olive-like eyes would become blue. Not even colored contact lenses helped, giving them only a grayish hue. The young girl wishes her nose were smaller and her long wavy hair straight. She suffers daily for not matching the ideal she wishes to be.
Adolescence is a period when the discovery of the “self” is reviewed and updated as a consequence of various changes. Biological changes of a body that transforms to reach maturity. Cognitive changes of a mind that struggles to control impulses and feels constantly observed—the famous “imaginary audience.”
Emotional changes, as young people more quickly recruit the amygdala to interpret emotions, being more prone to perceive anger or aggression even when they are not present. Social changes in which friends, peers, become the main source of influence, and to fit in, young people adopt characteristics of the group such as clothing style or language.
Mariana (a fictional name) is fourteen years old and so
Most families see adolescence as the stage that brings the most concerns, mainly due to the adjustments the family unit must make in response to the abrupt changes of this developmental phase.
On social media, image reigns—“a picture is worth a thousand words”—and therefore it must be perfect. The best angles are chosen, the best hairstyle is done, the best clothes are worn, and filters are applied to frame and beautify. “Cuts” are made to what doesn’t matter, facial or body imperfections are corrected, dark circles, acne, and extra pounds are concealed. Everything is done to get the most “likes.”
Today, it is known that our brain reacts to the “likes” on a post by releasing dopamine, which quickly activates the “reward system”—a circuit that processes information related to pleasure and seeks to repeat the behavior.
This explains the “need” to make new posts and the search for more “likes.” Teenagers (and not only them) are constantly comparing themselves to others. When it comes to body image, girls seem to be more vulnerable to comparisons and are at greater risk of lowering their self-perception.
Adolescents compare themselves to idealized representations of their peers, not realizing that their friends’ online appearances do not always reflect their real selves. Perfect images are unattainable, and comparisons are made to an unreachable ideal, leading to negative self-evaluation.
Research warns that exposure to body image-related content—both in advertising and on social media—seems to increase the risk of developing body dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, this influence is not harmless, as studies reveal that a negative self-image is associated with difficulties in relationships with others, lower academic performance, feelings of incompetence in daily activities, and ultimately, feelings of unhappiness and self-contempt that take over the individual.
The virtual world allows, on one hand, for kids to express themselves and have a voice, but it also becomes a space where the cruelest words are spoken. Behind a screen, things are written that one would never dare say out loud in a face-to-face context. Distance leads to emotional disconnection from the impact words have on others, and negative comments are made based solely on body characteristics: “body shaming.” On social media, vulnerability, boredom, discomfort, frustration, or failure are rarely shared, as if life consisted only of idyllic moments or wellness, just like the perfection of the “ideal body” images. As if everyone should have the same type of body.
As parents, what can we do?
Help kids understand that to have meaningful online experiences, it's essential to also have offline experiences. The solution is not to ban the virtual world through a fundamentalist stance but to help them engage in real experiences. Kids who live only in a “virtual world” are being deprived of valuable life experiences and opportunities. Teenagers have developing brains that need real-world experimentation to grow in a healthy way. Encouraging them to try a new sport, do volunteer work, or attend a summer camp is much more than “keeping them busy”—it enables them to develop personal and social skills, such as knowing how to talk to others, waiting their turn, or regulating emotions. Furthermore, it’s known that belonging to multiple peer groups is a protective factor; if something negative happens in one group, they have alternatives and don’t get stuck in difficult relationships for fear of being alone.
Make your child feel loved from an early age, regardless of their talents or abilities. Your words should be filled with affection, not constant criticism. Correcting inappropriate behavior is crucial, but continued criticism is destructive and should be avoided! A criticism has more impact than a compliment, so we must pay attention to the ratio of the words we say to our children.
Be a role model for your children. Kids learn by example and are more likely to filter what surrounds them if they observe significant adults using and expressing critical thinking in appropriate ways.
Ilustrações do livro "Tutto Cambia!", de Sarah Savioli, Kalina Muhova, Feltrinelli 2021
